and spun heaven together
with my inner nerve.
<>
Our Father!
Where did you learn to fare?
Our Mother let me in.
With her I breathe
heaven on earth.
Bottom
I want to sweep the water
from the land between us
to show the bottom
of what gives rise to
what surrounds us
so we can always reach
each other.
When I received the holy ghost
Father walked far ahead of me up the mountain.
I came upon a small pile of large gemstones.
They were mine!
Who had gathered these
one by one since I was little?
Father, I could no longer see.
I discovered I was naked under my coat
and wondered if it was right
to leave it on, take it off, or keep it open
in the strong wind playing with it.
Then the holy ghost came behind my body
and buttoned it down to my groin.
He lifted the back of the coat up
and conjoined with me.
Each surge filled my body with energy,
but as he neared his climax
I interrupted my dreaming
because I didn't dare contain more.
Next morning, when I woke
I was glad it hadn't really happened,
but as my feet touched the floor
the energy rushed back in!
Cabbagehead
God is cast off like the root
and the leaves of the cauliflower.
What is left is a cabbagehead.
My womb is filled with love-seeds.
"It is you and I", God says,
and I am ready for children.
I am Your little seed
yearning to be reborn
as a strawberry tree.
Quiet as a grove
in Your radiant presence
as You fertilise me.
Soot
I weep to cleanse me with tears
so the soot from purgatory washes away
and I can see the sun shine in the mirror again.
Green trees fall over
the wet soil of the woods,
around a grassy hole
with golden light at the bottom.
I want to crawl down and see
God sitting there
with His witty smile and a fire,
hands gold bars to me.
I can raise you up
from My home down here.
Look down in the grave.
I lie there in hiding,
turning stones until you come.
We will soar together
to gold and gemstones,
wear jewels around our necks
until we find peace in its outline
and fade all colours into white.
To reach the smallest
the greatest Being
sends a path of light
for them to walk on.
I am a small i
and the dot above it is love.
I reach up for it until we are one;
A number one can count on
and we become enlarged to an I.
God speaks in capital letters.
Ring
I was called in by God
and got a wedding ring.
In the dark,
the ring keeps piercing holes.
Its glitter turns darkness to gold.
Kneel
I kneel along the road,
digging into hollows
of clay and mud,
spreading branches over my legs,
bending my head, crowned with light
backwards into the dark earth,
looking into the black
to find the diamond
from childhood.
Chrysanthemum
A chrysanthemum glows purple
behind ancient darkness.
It does not see you,
lost in God’s garden.
Hidden,
seen only by the innocent.
Darkness has taken hold.
The flower in the heart, forgotten.
Yet it still burns in your mind.
Go into the courtyard of darkness
and see what is there,
so you can return home.
Lucifer
Lucifer has lead me from heaven down
and given me a towel to protect my head with
from dangers I couldn't see.
I trusted him, that I needed it
because in its shadow
I couldn't see reality.
Then I got in real danger.
Lucifer continued to weave on it.
The towel just got bigger and bigger.
When I asked God for light
I could look down on the fabric threads.
Each question I asked Him tore the towel apart.
Tangle
When I dive deep down to a tangle
and ask God to untie it
heavenly creatures comb it out
with a single streak.
Those who answer me for God
are not satisfied when I thank them
for the answer they share.
They are as quickened by it as I am.
Slave
I am a slave
of the skin I try to save,
God suddenly can tear away.
How can I in heaven be?
The skin joins the scenery.
As I walked towards God
I met my Wailing Wall.
If I let go of what I hold back
I can melt into Him
who is behind me.
Skin
Tears come
when I feel You.
They are shed like my skin,
run down off me.
Each drop is lit
on my cheek.
In every one
Be a daughter of gold
and spin your heart around Me!
Eat your tree up
as a feather dusts off the dust!
The air
I dropped all inhibitions
and fell into the air
that held me
so I could weep freely.
Zero
How astronomical you become
when God is so atomic in you.
If you dared to be petite
God could contain the big bit.
When you are nothing
there is naught to defend.
One can't pierce a zero.
Out of myself
God is stirring up something
I dare not feel,
so I hover between heads
without the face I tried to save.
I felt shut out from God
so I asked Him what to do.
The following night while deep asleep
I woke up to a light within
and saw these words in capital letters
on a strip of paper descend:
CLEAR THE WAY FOR ME IN YOU
When I confessed my sin to God,
He revealed the grounds
by tearing away a transparent film
over the infinite sea of light beneath me
I had lost touch with in error.
God came into my body.
I felt life flow
and saw golden light flood
where father looked down
playfully like me.
The water droplets
When the tree is in the dark
water droplets shine like stars,
as the lantern lights them
outside the window.
Thread of thought
Was the streak of light through the wall
a loving thought from the other side?
It split my dark thread of thought in two.
Jesus' leg
My faith in God in the darkness
illuminated the body of Christ
so Jesus tore off a whole leg,
happily, and let it descend to me.
<>
Candlelight
I am a candle God ignites
and melts by the fire,
but when I blend in,
am in the wind,
or feel dejected
and bend my neck
the flame is quenched.
The radiant ocean of love
holds you with playful fingers.
How fair you are
when it splashes
glittering through you.
They lay their hands on me.
Water drizzle down in mine.
One has put his cold ones
on my temples.
Within them blood vessels
burst into air
and sizzling blood
turns out in his hands
to be the struggles
of the flesh only.
I listened for
Your heartbeats
They beat me down
and beat me asunder
to beat as one.
I slide down
the path of blood.
A stream after Jesus
and His followers.
The more martyrs
the easier and faster
for others to follow.
<>
The hollow
I am pressed into the earth
or stirred by the forces within it
when the pressure grows too great
for it is so tight down there
skin and flesh disappear.
From a black hollow
I see the old water of life run
and I pour myself into the joints
and widen them
instead of strengthening ligaments.
My heart can't crush.
It isn't that hard,
but so can the crust.
I writhed the heart out of it.
The blood wants to flow!
Now I can feel the soft flesh.
I just have a heart to fulfil.
To fill with love.
<>
Sap
My labia, red
are bathing in the ocean.
They are the roots
of the bud in my chest.
If blood pools,
I meet what is
in the way
so the sap can rise
to my heart
and I can blossom.
<>
The circle
In the circle
I sat next to the one
I disliked.
As love filled the room
she was the one
I wanted to show love.
Purifying water from God
runs under the skin
along high tension lines
which gives electric currents
to throw me over with.
This way these channels are opened:
Sentences without words
and tracks of occurrences
which are crushed in the wound as salt.
Then the water brings the grain
that stings only on the inside.
<>
Crown of thorns
Jesus bowed under in the ocean
with a crown of thorns
on his head
and swept through
the deepest abyss.
When he arose
from the enlightened sea
the crown glittered
with the pearls the thorns bore.
The crucified one sank down
to the bottom of the ocean
in the shape of a cross
and etched into a soft, red star.
<>
Bare
God dragged me down so low
I could no longer think
and had to pray,
tore me loose
from everything,
I clung to Him,
brought me out so I could see
beyond the earthly
and laid me bare
so I found the message
behind the visions He sent.
<>
Black holes
My arms have been torn off.
How can I make myself known?
Black hollows remain
where my arms should have been,
fastened with joints.
I was out of my senses
and envied the others on the train,
following their line of thought
while my mind carried the carriage
and held rein on the horse powers.
<>
The top lid
The top lid
has an encumbering view
of the kettle,
so it looks square
from the side
and the pressure within
becomes immense,
but when the lid
centers itself
division dissolves
and they are a triangle.
<>
The spirit
I'm the spirit
above the water.
The water reacts
to what I shed light upon.
I'm on watch
while the mind and body
are sleeping
and I awaken them
by incorporating
the faculties of the soul
that creeps with see-through arms
underneath the ribs
so the heart shaped soul
get a grip by the chest.
An image of a woman
who asks with her gaze
comes into view,
before the stomach is felt
and life force flows
to the feet.
The mind is light
in its foundation.
When thoughts
are acknowledged
they dissolve
like black written words
crumble away
on white paper.
Thoughts are a film,
like sleep in the eyes,
between the outer world
and the inner.
<>
Holly
She wanders like ash in water.
A holly in the thicket
only seen in glints in men's eyes.
She didn't ingest bushes and spruces,
but ate as foliage
those who didn't remember the way
when the night came.
No one knew the way
so she was only in the woods
for up from the moors came spruce
to point out the clouds for her
with sharp needles.
The clouds once consuming her
she met and consumed
in her spinal marrow.
She was led by a wind
that had taken the body over.
Naked as a vibrating leaf
her mask was a thread of light
under her hair, connecting her to God.
In the hour of transformation
she showered the others clean
with water from heaven.
Suddenly,
I sank through the chair
into water of heaven
and the heavens
through the ceiling,
illuminating the water.
Angels enthralled,
I wept as the water
dissolved all save my soul.
<>
The primal cause
I didn't have to hold myself up.
When I lost grip I sank down
a channel by my left eye
to a dark and serene desert
seven feet beneath the earth
while waiting for the tram
at Nationaltheatre.
There was no one to see or hear,
but God, whispering behind my left ear,
showing me how everything is one:
Bodies are made of the same substance,
feelings flow from the same sea,
ideas come from the same sky,
we are all spirit with the same will
and the primal cause is this desert
from which the Source ascends
and fulfills every living being.
Meanwhile, people had gathered upon earth.
Something drew my attention,
so I used my physical eyes
and saw a man searching for me in them.
Unwillingly, I turned up through the channel
and gave him eye contact. Then the tram came.
Light of life
Hold out your waist and see
what the womb entails.
An eternal source
is streaming in.
<>
The sprout
The sprout is given the law
to live in peace
and the bird is given a nest
of the ordinances.
Life smiles like light
through a woman's open mouth
that has chewed over so much
her teeth are gone.
I crawl through a hose of pain
and come to see
God flushes through it to the ocean
while Jesus runs before me.
When the pains I ride
become unbearable
I release the reins, leap off
and soar free in the air.
<>
Cracked face
The night I walked up the black hill
and pressed myself through my white face
it cracked and looked like the full moon
behind fine branches.
Inside me, deep in the dark
a white fetus lay shining.
A light was lit on the new grave.
I searched the soul of a body dead
and found thereby a light shaft to heaven.
Above I saw young women say:
You can bring light where there is darkness.
We can't do that here where lightis everywhere.
<>
The fall
I died, but didn't soar to the light
as I thought I would.
I fell silent in the dark alone,
afraid of condemnation from those above.
An angel came and lifted me through
a church floor in heaven
to women and nuns in the sacristy.
My shortages were nothing there,
neither a trace of condemnation.
They worked in unity, not by duty,
but of joy over the will of God they all shared.
I lie upon the sea,
its waves flowing under my skin
The ego is a cone
God presses me out through
with tribulations.
Outside sounds intrude
pressing the inner sounds out
for there is no divide
between inner and outer.
The narrow path is named humbleness.
We contemplate to receive wisdom
and offer empathy to beings
to not lose track
because we are either on the lit path
or on one of the dark sides.
God has electrified
power lines along the path.
If we go astray
we are shocked.
When I lit what lay within me,
I was pushed out of a chest,
like a drawer for all to see.
<>
Pink lily
Behind my broken heart
- a terracotta vase -
grows a pink lily.
Only petals can feel
snow crystals melt
and dribble into
the receptacle.
I curl like withered grass
through a hole in the earth
and drink from the groundwater.
A rose grows slowly inside me.
It unfolds with the sound of blueberries
between my teeth
and the juice flows into His mouth
that eternally laps its farewell.
As blueberries in my mouth
I am in His an enchanted tree
in a moonlit grove.
<>
Room
Older people
are more generous.
They have more room
beneath the skin.
<>
Angel wings
I was just wondering if angel wings
are symbolic or literal things
when an angel flew in
and wrapped pink wings around me.
I felt through them
and found only love within.
<>
Out of body
I didn't know I was upset
before I woke up by the ceiling
and could not descend.
To be able to land again
I had to find my hidden anger,
so I did, smashed a nightstand
and swore.
Then I slowly sank to the floor
and slipped out of my body no more.
I entreated God:
I lack respect for people!
Then Jesus gave it to me
in a fragment of light
and bowed before
my suffering.
Of course I’m bent.
How can I stand upright
when I had no one by my side?
There are many kinds of crutches.
I’m not steady with or without them.
Let me fall, let me lie, let me sink
so God can give me a foundation.
The reason for my behavior is light
with a wounded layer.
The eagle has a claw in the game,
scratching up old wounds.
I wear myself out like a cloth
I wash them with.
<>
The Coincidence
A coincidence is when two meet,
like small stones clinking together
as one is kicked toward the other
by someone higher.
<>
Crystals
Bare trees
stretch up their branches.
The stars reach out to them
with their rays.
The black earth
whereon snow crystals fall
is the mirror of the sky
full of stars.
Crystals do not sleep.
Angels let them down
soft as snow,
twinkling with joy.
When the branches
are embraced by the snow
reverently down they bow.
Tears of repentance
mirror the light of innocence
spreading over my feet.
Only angel feet can walk
over asphalt without shoes.
I let love out when you prayed
where it touched your divine
and sprang up where you prayed to.
I followed along to the Tree of Unity
where a nightingale sang:
A selfless servant is not more worthy
than a needy supplicant.
In the light everyone is an angel.
<>
The door
Darkness is the door
unveiling the light.
Remember to pray,
the door opens up more easily
anointed with blessed oil.
If you burn the door away,
you become one with the light.
The body is but a frame
stabilising the forces.
If you do not open the door,
they will overcome you,
for they seek the light
to be mirrored,
but need your involvement.
I spent time creeping in.
It takes time hauling myself out again with my arms
while the legs are hanging back in the mud.
I don't see light in the end. The darkness is beige.
I'm not raised by the hair anymore. That's ripped off.
Light is only the knuckles where the mud is smeared off
on my journey down here.
When will the sun show up again
and dry me up so I can brush this clay off me?
<>
The Lifebuoy
I drown in my tears
and dry out without You
to bathe with in the sea.
The hard colon
is an ancient wooden lifebuoy;
my World in the sea
of my longing for You, God.
As I realize this
You flow into its center,
into the center of me!
Were you riddled
and hit by torrents?
The one who stung
and unleashed anger
remained unfiltered,
while you, like a colander
bottomed out to the world
with the water dashed
the opposite way,
were humbled by what
was strained to heavenly
through the cracks.
<>
In arms
You pin me to the wall
and I creep under the threshold
into the rooms behind
because you see me
and I want to see with your eyes
what I put the wall up against
so I can repose
as a power flows in, unimpeded,
uniting us in a sparkling darkness,
in arms reaching far around me.
When snow queen turned to God
He melted her frozen heart.
The water ran through her veins
and soon she cried them out.
I'm a drop on my way to the ocean.
As long as fear doesn't freeze me to one place
I'm running by the power of the wind.
<>
The Petals
When I look at the petals
from the outer sides,
where they are matte
with coarse traces,
I close them.
In the midst of the flower
the other side reveals
how beautiful they are.
Then I unfold them
and receive the light.
I gave away drops
longing for the sea.
They came back
as a wave.
In the sun’s glitter
they waved in joy.
Pearls
Like black pearls on a string
are the deadly sins.
Like white pearls on a string
are the virtues.
Use one pearl
and you wear the whole chain.
<>
Two bells
Sorry and thank you
are magical words
like two bells
on the same string
from heaven
where an angel choir
sings each time
the bells ring.
If you remove
the white dividing walls
in your tulip head
boxing in the seeds,
the boundary between you
and me dissolves.
<>
Repentance
Repentance is to turn the butt
on the world and be born
into heaven headfirst.
If on my life’s path
I always say: Me first!
I turn my back on you.
Only when I turn around
do I see you.
And when my path
is wide enough
for you by my side,
only then can I dance.
<>
Gold knife
When God dwelt
He cut through the bible
with a knife of gold.
through all the pages
and further down
into the flesh of my throat.
It bled a lot, I came alive.
A skeleton stands in my belly
and hammers the last nails in my coffin.
The coffin must be ready
to catch me when I fall
and send me into the flames
of purgatory
where what I have against people
will drip off me like tar.
Later the coffin
will soar into heaven.
Maidenhead
I am a dark moon
for when I am a sun
I shine only for myself.
I howl at the moon.
It gapes at me
who am lost in grief
over a lost maidenhead,
but am redeemed
in the humble sheen of water
mirroring the wind.
Stag wings
A stag’s wings
never left you.
As the snow shines
cold upon hills
you are an angel
in the land of dreams
resting
in water.
The seal on the pact with the devil was broken
and a ribbon strained across the womb loosened.
The devil aimed to keep my desire at bay,
and in small print: By generating fear
veiled as disgust and making me believe
I was safe, so long as I lived puritanical.
I searched for it within my belly.
As soon as it was caught in the light,
it fluttered out.
I reclaimed that space
and found Mother Earth there;
firm soil, joy and fire.
I want to lie within you, Mother!
With berries growing all around.
You understand my needs from within.
A river runs through you!
It is soft and crystal clear.
Everyone is welcome to bathe in it.
I will cleanse myself
for the Kingdom of Heaven!
My stomach began to ache.
The Promised One came and laid me
in a fetal position upon the royal throne;
upon a wooden child’s chair.
I was hailed by flooding light.
As I became enthralled by it,
the pain vanished.
Even though the butterflies
are bruised,
they try to fly in the sand.
<>
Gods will
Your will is like a calm ocean of light.
Irresistibly soft, unlike mine
that demands futile toil.
You are soft and sensitive as a tongue,
I am hard and sharp as teeth.
As long as I cling to the world
I strain myself
because You, on Your side
seek to loosen me,
to draw this dust to Yourself.
<>
Saint
Therese from Lisieux
found a quick way to God
when the elevator was invented.
I get quickly clean in the washing machine.
If you want to be saint-like, be humble!
Then you will be open
to the highs and lows,
the outer and inner
in perfect balance,
like a cross.
Dead cat
I'm in pain and want to die.
Then I see a cat, dead and cry.
I'm not here for my sake, am I?
<>
Cats
Cats flow from my shoulders
black in streams of water
when my blue jacket is open.
When the earthworms
have laid down to rest
upon the wet ground
I can button my jacket again.
<>
Water
Like water I flowed
on an asphalt road
as a truck drove
fast toward me.
To the side I splashed,
but marks upon water
wheels have never left.
Baby
When I lost my face
I became a baby.
All water flowed off me.
The instant the old was gone
new water rushed back
and enveloped me.
<>
Diamonds
God has said seek and you shall find.
Some people dig for dirt
and easily become submerged in it.
Others seek diamonds,
for dirt cannot reflect
the light of truth.
<>
Film
The nature of the mind
is light in its foundation.
When thoughts
are acknowledged
they dissolve
like black written words
crumble away
on white paper.
They are a film,
like sleep in the eyes,
between the outer world
and the inner.
Comb
God acknowledges everyone,
who are alike
in different ways,
but knows only the divine
as He combs us free of dust
and untangles us
when we let Him.
<>
Icicle
Jesus you are like a great icicle
that could not melt
without the small icicles
by your side melting too,
for you were of one piece.
Wither
Jesus said:
You wither when you turn away
from the love of others,
believing you must give
and you languish when you turn away
from the needs of what
so few will offer.
You know the purpose
of serving and giving.
Do not forget forgiving
every second.
It is the greatest gift.
It sets others free.
Thus, you receive others
for what abides in them.
We are priests, goddesses and kings,
but also soft, white bodies
that melt together
at a word, in a cry
we all recognise
and recall.
Anger
My anger is sharp as a sword.
It hurts to keep inside.
My flesh is its sheath.
When I asked God to help me
not get upset so easily
a wind came with a spirit within
who said:
You ought not to care about pettiness.
It does not belong to the soul.
The sun
The grey cloud shrouding me
dissolved as a smile
beamed through.
This loving regard
I felt upon my heart
was the tip of a sunbeam
from another.
It left a trace of joy
as she smiled.
If the sun does not shine on you
it shines within,
because it always shines.
Gods tongue
When I asked God to be with me
He lowered His head
and spoke with His tongue
in my mouth
so His words became mine.
<>
A small tree
If a small tree is hewn too low
it has no branches to reach for
the taller trees
so it crawls down to the roots
to bond through the fungal web
to the tallest one
and reach the heavens through it.
The tree grows up
in the light where it belongs.
It stands because roots crawl
in the heavy soil
and are shaped by the wind
as it is moved by it.
For the rightful journey
it receives a crown in heaven.
Happy elephants
God is in me
hidden behind white
elephants of happiness.
He summons me up
again and again
when I am down.
<>
Judgement day
It is judgement day.
Those closest to me
are my judges.
Not God, nor Jesus,
but my family members
enumerates everything
I have done which upset them
since I was born
and concludes:
I am evil.
<>
Bounce
The more pressure we endure
the higher we spring
toward heaven
when the soul sheds the body.
Invisible
You say you don't believe
in a God, invisible.
Infants are so attached
to the breast and the milk
they don't see to whom it belongs.
<>
Seed
Some seeds
may have been pushed
deeper in the ground
or a big rock was placed upon,
it takes time to grow around
they never reach out to the light
before their time is up.
<>
Hell
Hell and the demons who stirred up hate
to nourish the flames
burns out when there is nothing left to burn.
There will be no trace left of it
when God blows the ashes into infinity.
<>
Heads
Heads roll on snowballs
down the hill and hit the bottom.
melting snow with blood that flows.
Meeting the reality beneath the snow
the heads fall into place.
Birth
We must suffer on earth,
though created in God's image
for we are not yet born.
A plant grows
through the earth's tribulations,
yearning for air and sun,
to rise above it,
ascend to heaven,
recieve the sun,
and bloom.
<>
Self-sacrifice
How do I follow Your will,
God, constantly?
Are you willing to sacrifice
your life for humanity?
Suddenly I saw virgin Mary
when Joseph came in
and said they had to leave
behind everything
to bring Jesus into safety.
<>
Equal
Mary came to me and said:
All mothers are one.
We all suffer when our child
is treated unjustly.
Then Jesus: Your pain is my pain.
My pain is your pain.
We are one
and worth the same.
<>
Silver kippa
The world moves so slowly
it will vanish quickly.
It peaks like a steeple,
but is worth nothing.
Pierces my body bottom up
through my throat
and leaves a silver metal kippah
floating above my head.
The resistance
The divine light is for everybody.
As human beings our duty is
to overcome our resistance against it
so we become receptive to its influence.
When the amount of light from heaven increases
the resistance towards it increases simultaneously
because the light pushes the darkness aside
so it compresses more and more.
<>
Glimpses
I could not see it clearly at first,
but in glimpses from stardust to stardust,
which melted in my mind
and left brain-fog behind.
<>
God is me
Once I wondered
if I was asking too much
God’s presence came over me
and I saw a big figure
I stood inside
with a great head above mine.
How can you ask too much?
You ask on My behalf.
<>
Purity
I walked from the bath
in my own thoughts,
when the heavenly realm
was revealed.
I saw a light so pristine,
sharp as crusted snow.
I think it was purity.
Seeing nuns within it
confirmed this.
So mesmerizing,
I would sacrifice everything
to live in such an atmosphere.
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White butterfly
The pure white butterfly
had seven pair of wings.
On its back lay
an embossed silver armour.
Holy Mary’s body
In Holy Mary’s body
every cell was so steeped in strength
her skin was pulled taut.
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Blessing
Within every pain
lies a blessing.
As each tiny shard
is chipped from the diamond,
a spark flashes.
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Mussel
Holy Mary held
mother-of-pearl in her hand
and gave me the soft, holy white.
Every healed affliction
is a layer of mother-of-pearl.
The more you are exposed to,
the more mother-of-pearl you can form.
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The children want the sun,
but adults give them withered leaves.
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