CROSS, POEM COLLECTION 1

A cumin leaf buzzed down to me
and spun heaven together
with my inner nerve.

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Our Father!

Where did you learn to fare?
Our Mother let me in.

With her I breathe
heaven on earth.

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Bottom

I want to sweep the water
from the land between us

to show the bottom
of what gives rise to
what surrounds us

so we can always reach
each other.

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When I received the holy ghost

Father walked far ahead of me

up the mountain.
I came upon a small pile 

of large gemstones.
They were mine!

Who had gathered these
one by one since I was little?
Father, I could no longer see.

I discovered I was naked under my coat
and wondered if it was right
to leave it on, take it off, or keep it open
in the strong wind playing with it.

Then the holy ghost came behind my body
and buttoned it down to my groin.
He lifted the back of the coat up
and conjoined with me.

Each surge filled my body with energy,
but as he neared his climax
I interrupted my dreaming
because I didn't dare contain more.

Next morning, when I woke
I was glad it hadn't really happened,
but as my feet touched the floor
the energy rushed back in!

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Cabbagehead

God is cast off like the root
and the leaves of the cauliflower.

What is left is a cabbagehead.

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Love-seeds

My womb is filled with love-seeds.
"It is you and I", God says,
and I am ready for children.

I am Your little seed
yearning to be reborn
as a strawberry tree.

Quiet as a grove
in Your radiant presence
as You fertilise me.

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Soot

I weep to cleanse me with tears
so the soot from purgatory washes away
and I can see the sun shine in the mirror again.

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Gold bars

Green trees fall over
the wet soil of the woods,
around a grassy hole
with golden light at the bottom.

I want to crawl down and see
God sitting there
with His witty smile and a fire,
hands gold bars to me.

I can raise you up
from My home down here.
Look down in the grave.
I lie there in hiding,
turning stones until you come.

We will soar together
to gold and gemstones,

wear jewels around our necks
until we find peace in its outline
and fade all colours into white.

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Path of light

To reach the smallest
the greatest Being
sends a path of light
for them to walk on.

I am a small i
and the dot above it is love.
I reach up for it until we are one;
A number one can count on

and we become enlarged to an I.
God speaks in capital letters.

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Ring

I was called in by God
and got a wedding ring.

In the dark,
the ring keeps piercing holes.

Its glitter turns darkness 

to gold.

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Kneel

I kneel along the road,
digging into hollows
of clay and mud,
spreading branches 

over my legs,

bending my head, 

crowned with light
backwards into the dark earth,

looking into the black
to find the diamond
from childhood.

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Chrysanthemum

A chrysanthemum 

glows purple
behind ancient darkness.

It does not see you,
lost in God’s garden.

Hidden,
seen only by the innocent.
Darkness has taken hold.

The flower in the heart, 

forgotten.
Yet it still burns in your mind.

Go into the courtyard of darkness
and see what is there,
so you can return home.

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Lucifer

Lucifer has lead me 

from heaven down
and given me a towel 

to protect my head with
from dangers I couldn't see.

I trusted him, that I needed it,
for in its shadow
I couldn't see reality.

Then I got in real danger.
Lucifer continued to weave on it.
The towel just got bigger and bigger.

When I asked God for light
I could look down 

on the fabric threads.
Each question I asked Him 

tore the towel apart.

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Tangle

When I dive deep down to a tangle
and ask God to untie it
heavenly creatures comb it out
with a single streak.

Those who answer me for God
are not satisfied when I thank them
for the answer they share.
They are as quickened by it as I am.

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Slave

I was born and imprisoned
to free myself so I could liberate
those who arrested me,

but I am a slave
of the skin I try to save,
God suddenly can tear away.

How can I in heaven be?
The skin joins the scenery.

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Petrified

As I walked towards God
I met my Wailing Wall.

If I let go of what I hold back
I can melt into Him
who is behind me.

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Skin

Tears come
when I feel You.
They are shed like my skin,
run down off me.

Each drop is lit
on my cheek.
In every one
I see Your face.

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Gold

Be a daughter of gold
and spin your heart around Me!

Eat your tree up
as a feather dusts off the dust!

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The air

I dropped all inhibitions
and fell into the air

that held me
so I could weep freely.

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Zero

How astronomical you become
when God is so atomic in you.

If you dared to be petite
God could contain the big bit.

When you are nothing
there is naught to defend.

One can't pierce a zero.

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Out of myself

God is stirring up something
I dare not feel,

so I hover between heads
without the face I tried to save.

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A strip of paper

I felt shut out from God
so I asked Him what to do.

The following night while deep asleep
I woke up to a light within

and saw these words in capital letters
on a strip of paper descend:

CLEAR THE WAY FOR ME IN YOU

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The unfilming

When I confessed my sin to God,
He revealed the grounds

by tearing away a transparent film
over the infinite sea of light beneath me
I had lost touch with in error.

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Father's face

God came into my body.
I felt life flow
and saw golden light flood

in the heart-mirror toward heaven
where father looked down
playfully like me.

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The water droplets

When the tree is in the dark
water droplets shine like stars,

as the lantern lights them
outside the window.

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Thread of thought

Was the streak of light through the wall
a loving thought from the other side?

It split my dark thread of thought in two.

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Jesus' leg

My faith in God in the darkness
illuminated the body of Christ

so Jesus tore off a whole leg,
happily, and let it descend to me.

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Candlelight

I am a candle God ignites
and melts by the fire,

but when I blend in,
am in the wind,
or feel dejected

and bend my neck
the flame is quenched.

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Playful

The radiant ocean of love
holds you with playful fingers.

How fair you are
when it splashes
glittering through you.

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Exorcism

They lay their hands on me.
Water drizzle down in mine.

One has put his cold ones
on my temples.

Within them blood vessels
burst into air

and sizzling blood
turns out in his hands

to be the struggles
of the flesh only.

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Heartbeats

I listened for
Your heartbeats

They beat me down
and beat me asunder

to beat as one.

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The path

I slide down
the path of blood.
A stream after Jesus
and His followers.

The more martyrs
the easier and faster
for others to follow.

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The hollow

I am pressed into the earth
or stirred by the forces within it
when the pressure grows too great

for it is so tight down there
skin and flesh disappear.

From a black hollow
I see the old water of life run

and I pour myself into the joints
and widen them

instead of strengthening 

ligaments.

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The crust

My heart can't crush.
It isn't that hard,
but so can the crust.

I writhed the heart out of it.
The blood wants to flow!
Now I can feel the soft flesh.

I just have a heart 

to fulfil.
To fill with love.

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Sap

My labia, red
are bathing in the ocean.

They are the roots
of the bud in my chest.

If blood pools,
I meet what is
in the way

so the sap can rise
to my heart
and I can blossom.

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The circle

In the circle
I sat next to the one
I disliked.

As love filled the room
she was the one
I wanted to show love.

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Tension

Purifying water from God
runs under the skin

along high tension lines
which gives electric currents
to throw me over with.

Thus the channels open;
sentences without words,
the imprinted traces of events
are crushed in the wound like salt.

The water then carries the grains
in streams toward the eye.

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Crown of thorns

Jesus bowed under in the ocean
with a crown of thorns
on his head and swept through
the deepest abyss.

When he arose
from the enlightened sea
the crown glittered
with the pearls the thorns bore.

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Cross

The crucified one sank down
to the bottom of the ocean

in the shape of a cross
and etched into a soft, red star.

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Bare

God dragged me down so low
I could no longer think
and had to pray,

tore me loose
from everything,
I clung to Him,

carried me far and wide

so I could see
beyond the earthly

and laid me bare
so I found the message
behind the visions He sent.

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Black holes

My arms have been torn off.
How can I make myself known?

Black hollows remain
where my arms should have been,
fastened with joints.

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The carriage

I was out of my senses
and envied the others on the train,
following their line of thought

while my mind carried the carriage
and held rein on the horse powers.

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The top lid

The top lid
has an encumbering view
of the kettle,

so it looks square
from the side

and the pressure within
becomes immense,

but when the lid
centers itself

division dissolves
and they are a triangle.

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The spirit

I'm the spirit
above the water.

The water reacts
to what I shed light upon.

I'm on watch
while the mind and body
are sleeping

and I awaken them
by incorporating
the faculties of the soul

that creeps with see-through arms
underneath the ribs
so the heart shaped soul
get a grip by the chest.

An image of a woman
who asks with her gaze
comes into view,

before the stomach is felt
and life force flows
to the feet.

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Film

The mind is light
in its foundation.

When thoughts
are acknowledged
they dissolve

like black written words
crumble away
on white paper.

Thoughts are a film,
like sleep in the eyes,
between the outer world
and the inner.

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Holly

She wanders like ash in water.
A holly in the thicket
only seen in glints in men's eyes.

She didn't ingest bushes and spruces,
but ate as foliage

those who didn't remember the way
when the night came.

No one knew the way
so she was only in the woods
for up from the moors came spruce

to point out the clouds for her
with sharp needles.

The clouds once consuming her
she met and consumed
in her spinal marrow.

She was led by a wind
that had taken the body over.

Naked as a vibrating leaf
her mask was a thread of light
under her hair, connecting her to God.

In the hour of transformation
she showered the others clean
with water from heaven.

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Baptism

Suddenly,
I sank through the chair
into water of heaven

and the heavens
through the ceiling,
illuminating the water.

Angels enthralled,
I wept as the water
dissolved all save my soul.

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The primal cause

I didn't have to hold myself up.
When I lost grip I sank down
a channel by my left eye

to a dark and serene desert
seven feet beneath the earth

while waiting for the tram
at Nationaltheatre.

There was no one to see or hear,
but God, whispering behind my left ear,
showing me how everything is one:

Bodies are made of the same substance,
feelings flow from the same sea,
ideas come from the same sky,
we are all spirit with the same will

and the primal cause is this desert
from which the Source ascends
and fulfils every living being.

Something drew my attention to the surface,
so I made use of the physical eyes.

A man was searching for me in my eyes.
Reluctantly I emerged and met his gaze.
Then the tram arrived.

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The sprout

The sprout is given the law
to live in peace

and the bird is given a nest
of the ordinances.

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Light of life

Hold out your waist and see
what the womb entails.

An eternal source
is streaming in.

Life smiles like light
through a woman's open mouth
that has chewed over so much
her teeth are gone.

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A hose of pain

I crawl through a hose of pain
and come to see
God flushes through it to the ocean
while Jesus runs before me.

When the pains I ride
become unbearable
I release the reins, leap off
and soar free in the air.

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Cracked face

The night I walked up the black hill
and pressed myself through my white face
it cracked and looked like the full moon
behind fine branches.

Inside me, deep in the dark
a white fetus lay shining.

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Light shaft

A light was lit on the new grave.
I searched the soul of a body dead
and found thereby a light shaft to heaven.

Above I saw young women say:
You can bring light where there​ is darkness.
We can't do that here where light​is everywhere.

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The fall

I died, but didn't soar to the light
as I thought I would.

I fell silent in the dark alone,
afraid of condemnation 

from those above.

An angel came and lifted me through
a church floor in heaven
to women and nuns in the sacristy.

My shortages did not exist there,
nor a trace of condemnation.

They worked in unity, not by duty,
but of joy over the will of God they all shared.

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The sea

I lie upon the sea,
its waves flowing under my skin
and trickling from my eyes.

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Tribulation

The ego is a cone
God presses me out through
with tribulations.

Outside sounds intrude
pressing the inner sounds out

for there is no divide
between inner and outer.

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The narrow path

The narrow path is named humbleness.
We contemplate to receive wisdom

and offer empathy to beings
to not lose track

because we are either on the lit path
or on one of the dark sides.

God has electrified
power lines along the path.

If we go astray
we are shocked.

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Chest of drawers

When I lit what lay within me,
I was pushed out of a chest,
like a drawer for all to see.

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Pink lily

Behind my broken heart
- a terracotta vase -
grows a pink lily.

Only petals can feel
snow crystals melt
and dribble into
the receptacle.

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I curl like withered grass
through a hole in the earth
and drink from the groundwater.

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Rose

A rose grows slowly inside me.
It unfolds with the sound of blueberries
between my teeth

and the juice flows into His mouth
that eternally laps its farewell.

As blueberries in my mouth
I am in His an enchanted tree
in a moonlit grove.

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Room

Older people
are more generous.

They have more room

beneath the skin.

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Angel wings

I was just wondering if angel wings
are symbolic or literal things

when an angel flew in
and wrapped pink wings around me.

I felt through them
and found only love within.

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Out of body

I didn't know I was upset

before I woke up by the ceiling
and could not descend.

To be able to land again
I had to find my hidden anger,
so I did, smashed a nightstand
and swore.

Then I slowly sank to the floor
and slipped out of my body no more.

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The example

I entreated God:
I lack respect for people!

Then Jesus gave it to me
in a fragment of light

and bowed before
my suffering.

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Bent

Of course I’m bent.
How can I stand upright
when I had no one by my side?

There are many kinds of crutches.
I’m not steady with or without them.

Let me fall, let me lie, let me sink
so God can give me a foundation.

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Wound

The reason for my behavior is light
with a wounded layer.

The eagle has a claw in the game,
scratching up old wounds.

I wear myself out like a cloth
I wash them with.

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The Coincidence

A coincidence is when two meet,
like small stones clinking together
as one is kicked toward the other
by someone higher.

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Crystals

Bare trees
stretch up their branches.
The stars reach out to them
with their rays.

The black earth
whereon snow crystals fall
is the mirror of the sky
full of stars.

Crystals do not sleep.
Angels let them down
soft as snow,
twinkling with joy.

When the branches
are embraced by the snow
reverently down they bow.

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Angel feet

Tears of repentance
mirror the light of innocence
spreading over my feet.

Only angel feet can walk
over asphalt without shoes.

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The nightingale

I let love out when you prayed
where it touched your divine
and sprang up where you prayed to.

I followed along to the Tree of Unity
where a nightingale sang:

A selfless servant is not more worthy

than a needy supplicant.
In the light everyone is an angel.

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The door

Darkness is the door
unveiling the light.

Remember to pray,
the door opens up more easily
anointed with blessed oil.

If you burn the door away,
you become one with the light.

The body is but a frame
stabilising the forces.

If you do not open the door,
they will overcome you,

for they seek the light
to be mirrored,
but need your involvement.

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Languishing

I spent time creeping in.
It takes time hauling myself out again 

with my arms
while the legs are hanging back 

in the mud.

I don't see light in the end. 

The darkness is beige.
I'm not raised 

by the hair anymore. 

That's ripped off.

Light is only the knuckles 

where the mud is smeared off
on my journey down here.

When will the sun show up again
and dry me up 

so I can brush this clay off me?

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The Lifebuoy

I drown in my tears
and dry out without You
to bathe with in the sea.

The hard colon
is an ancient wooden lifebuoy;
my World in the sea
of my longing for You, God.

As I realize this
You flow into its center,
into the center of me!

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Colander

Were you riddled
and hit by torrents?

The one who stung
and unleashed anger
remained unfiltered,

while you, like a colander
bottomed out to the world
with the water dashed
the opposite way,

were humbled by what
was strained to heavenly
through the cracks.

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In arms

You pin me to the wall
and I creep under the threshold
into the rooms behind
because you see me

and I want to see with your eyes
what I put the wall up against

so I can repose
as a force flows in unimpeded
and unites us in a shimmering darkness
in never ending arms around me. 

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Snow queen and the drop

When snow queen turned to God
He melted her frozen heart.

The water ran through her veins
and soon she cried them out.

I'm a drop on my way to the ocean.
As long as fear doesn't freeze me to one place

I'm running by the power of the wind.

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The Petals

When I look at the petals
from the outer sides,
where they are matte
with coarse traces,
I close them.

In the midst of the flower
the other side reveals
how beautiful they are.
Then I unfold them
and receive the light.

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Wave

I gave away drops
longing for the sea.

They came back
as a wave.

In the sun’s glitter
they waved in joy.

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Pearls

Like black pearls on a string
are the deadly sins.

Like white pearls on a string
are the virtues.

Use one pearl
and you wear the whole chain.

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Two bells

Sorry and thank you
are magical words

like two bells
on the same string
from heaven

where an angel choir
sings each time
the bells ring.

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Dividing walls

If you remove
the white dividing walls
in your tulip head
boxing in the seeds,

the boundary between 

you and others dissolves.

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Repentance

Repentance is to turn the butt
on the world and be born
into heaven headfirst.

If on my life’s path
I always say: Me first!
I turn my back on you.

Only when I turn around

do I see you

and when my path
is wide enough
for you by my side,
only then can I dance.

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Gold knife

When God dwelt
He cut through the bible
with a knife of gold.

through all the pages
and further down
into the flesh of my throat.

It bled a lot, I came alive.

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Skeleton

A skeleton stands in my belly
and hammers the last nails in my coffin.

The coffin must be ready
to catch me when I fall

and send me into the flames
of purgatory

where what I have against people
will drip off me like tar.

Later the coffin
will soar into heaven.

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Maidenhead

I am a dark moon
for when I am a sun
I shine only for myself.

I howl at the moon.
It gapes at me
who am lost in grief
over a lost maidenhead,

but am redeemed
in the humble sheen of water
mirroring the wind.

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Stag wings

A stag’s wings
never left you.

As the snow shines
cold upon hills

you are an angel
in the land of dreams
resting in water.

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The pact with the devil

The seal on the pact with the devil was broken
and a ribbon strained across the womb loosened.

The devil aimed to keep my desire at bay,
and in small print: By generating fear

veiled as disgust and making me believe
I was safe, so long as I lived puritanical.

I searched for it within my belly.
As soon as it was caught in the light,
it fluttered out.

I reclaimed that space
and found Mother Earth there;
firm soil, joy and fire.

I want to lie within you, Mother!
With berries growing all around.
You understand my needs from within.

A river runs through you!
It is soft and crystal clear.
Everyone is welcome to bathe in it.
I will cleanse myself
for the Kingdom of Heaven!

My stomach began to ache.
The Promised One came and laid me
in a fetal position upon the royal throne,
upon a wooden child’s chair.

I was hailed by flooding light.
As I became enthralled by it,
the pain vanished.

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The bruised butterflies
try to fly 

in the sand.

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Gods will

Your will is like a calm ocean of light.
Irresistibly soft, unlike mine
that demands futile toil.

You are soft and sensitive as a tongue,
I am hard and sharp as teeth.

As long as I cling to the world
I strain myself

because You, on Your side
seek to loosen me,
to draw this dust to Yourself.

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Saint

Therese from Lisieux
found a quick way to God
when the elevator was invented.

I get quickly clean in the washing machine.

If you want to be saint-like, be humble!

Then you will be open to the highs and lows,
the outer and inner in perfect balance,
like a cross.

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Dead cat

I'm in pain and want to die.
Then I see a cat, dead and cry.
I'm not here for my sake, am I?

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Cats

Cats flow from my shoulders
black in streams of water
when my blue jacket is open.

When the earthworms
have laid down to rest
upon the wet ground
I can button my jacket again.

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Water

Like water I flowed
on an asphalt road
as a truck drove
fast toward me.

To the side I splashed,
but marks upon water
wheels have never left.

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Baby

When I lost my face
I became a baby.
All water flowed off me.

The instant the old was gone
new water rushed back
and enveloped me.

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Diamonds

God has said seek and you shall find.
Some people dig for dirt
and easily become submerged in it.

Others seek diamonds,
for dirt cannot reflect
the light of truth.

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Comb

God acknowledges everyone,
who are alike
in different ways,

but knows only the divine

as He combs us free of dust
and untangles us
when we let Him.

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Icicle

Jesus you are like a great icicle
that could not melt
without the small icicles
by your side melting too,
for you were of one piece.

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Wither

Jesus said:

You wither when you turn away
from the love of others,
believing you must give

and you languish when you turn away
from the needs of what
so few will offer.

You know the purpose
of serving and giving.
Do not forget forgiving
every second.

It is the greatest gift.
It sets others free.
Thus, you receive others
for what abides in them.

We are priests, goddesses and kings,
but also soft, white bodies
that melt together

at a word, in a cry
we all recognise
and recall.

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Anger

My anger is sharp as a sword.
It hurts to keep inside.
My flesh is its sheath.

When I asked God to help me
not get upset so easily
a wind came with a spirit within
who said:

You ought not to care about pettiness.
It does not belong to the soul.

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The sun

The grey cloud shrouding me
dissolved as a smile
beamed through.

This loving regard
I felt upon my heart
was the tip of a sunbeam
from another.

It left a trace of joy
as she smiled.

If the sun does not shine on you
it shines within,
because it always shines.

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Gods tongue

When I asked God 

to be with me
He lowered His head

and spoke with His tongue
in my mouth
so His words became mine.

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A small tree

A small tree cut down too low
has no branches to reach for
the taller trees

so it crawls down to the roots
and finds connection
to the tallest one

and reach the heavens with it.

The tree grows up
in the light where it belongs.

It stands because roots crawl
in the heavy soil
and are shaped by the wind
as it is moved by it.

For the rightful journey
it receives a crown in heaven.

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Happy elephants

God is in me
hidden behind white
elephants of happiness.

He summons me up
again and again
when I am down.

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Judgement day

It is judgement day.
Those closest to me
are my judges.
Not God, nor Jesus,
but my family members
enumerates everything I have done 

which upset them
since I was born
and concludes:
I am evil.

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Bounce

The more pressure we endure
the higher we spring
toward heaven
when the soul sheds the body.

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Invisible

You say you don't believe
in a God, invisible.

Infants are so attached
to the breast and the milk
they don't see to whom it belongs.

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Seed

Some seeds
may have been pushed
deeper in the ground

or a big rock was placed upon,
it takes time to grow around

they never reach out to the light
before their time is up.

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Hell

Hell and the demons who stirred up hate
to nourish the flames
burns out when there is nothing left to burn.

There will be no trace left of it
when God blows the ashes into infinity.

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Heads

Heads roll on snowballs
down the hill and hit the bottom.
melting snow with blood that flows.

Meeting the reality beneath the snow
the heads fall into place.

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Birth

We must suffer on earth,
though created in God's image
for we are not yet born.

A plant grows
through the earth's tribulations,
yearning for air and sun,

to rise above it,
ascend to heaven,
recieve the sun,
and bloom.

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Self-sacrifice

How do I follow Your will,
God, constantly?

Are you willing to sacrifice
your life for humanity?

Suddenly I saw virgin Mary
when Joseph came in
and said they had to leave
behind everything
to bring Jesus into safety.

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Equal

Mary said:
All mothers are one.
We all suffer when our child
is treated unjustly.

Jesus said: Your pain is my pain.
My pain is your pain.
We are one and worth the same.

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Silver kippa

The world moves so slowly
it will vanish quickly.

It peaks like a steeple,
but is worth nothing.

Pierces my body bottom up
through my throat

and leaves a silver metal kippah
floating above my head.

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The resistance

Our duty is to overcome
our resistance
to the divine light
so we become receptive
to its influence.

When the amount of light
from heaven increases
the resistance towards it
increases simultaneously

because the light pushes
the darkness aside
so it compresses
more and more.

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Glimpses

I could not see it clearly at first,
but in glimpses from stardust to stardust,
which melted in my mind
and left brain-fog behind.

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God is me

Once I wondered
if I was asking too much
God’s presence came over me

and I saw a big figure
I stood inside
with a great head above mine.

How can you ask too much?
You ask on My behalf.

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Purity

I walked from the bath
in my own thoughts,
when the heavenly realm
was revealed.

I saw a light so pristine,
sharp as crusted snow.
I think it was purity.

Seeing nuns within it
confirmed this.

So mesmerizing,
I would sacrifice everything
to live in such an atmosphere.

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White butterfly

The pure white butterfly
had seven pair of wings.

On its back lay
an embossed silver armour.

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Holy Mary’s body

In Holy Mary’s body
every cell was so steeped in strength
her skin was pulled taut.

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Blessing

Within every pain
lies a blessing.

As each tiny shard
is chipped from the diamond,
a spark flashes.

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Mussel

Holy Mary held
mother-of-pearl in her hand
and gave me the soft, holy white.

Each healed trial
is a layer of mother-of-pearl.

The more you are tested,
the more mother-of-pearl 

you can form.

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The children want the sun,
but adults give them withered leaves.

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