Karezza is not normal sex without orgasm

 Karezza is a gentle, affectionate form of intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal, and ideally does not occur in either partner while making love.

During a lengthy period of perfect control, the whole being of each is merged into the other, and an exquisite exaltation experienced. This may be accompanied by a quiet motion, entirely under subordination of the will, so that the thrill of passion for either may not go beyond a pleasurable exchange. Stockham

Our emphasis is on affection, and we stay well away from the edge of orgasm. If we sense ourselves slipping into performance mode while making love, we pull ourselves back into relaxation with deeper, longer breaths. This relaxes our abdominal breathing and reverses the increase in muscular tension and the urge to restrict breathing that coincide with the buildup to orgasm.

Regular, “heat ‘em up” foreplay doesn’t work very well with Karezza

Typical foreplay is geared toward heating yourself and your partner up with orgasm as the goal. The pleasures of Karezza, however, do not rely on the rewards that come from approaching one’s own orgasm or inducing it in a lover. They depend on the rewarding feelings that come from mutual adoration and generous touch (bonding behaviors). Initially Karezza therefore feels all wrong. It seems too non-goal-oriented and relaxed. When I first explained it to my husband, he couldn’t believe his ears: “A woman who is asking me to do less?”

So, without standard foreplay, what do we do when we get in bed with each other?

It worked best to begin intercourse in a position that did not allow for much movement. Even so, it was extremely easy to escalate into good old, familiar sex as we added intercourse to our nightly affection. One strategy my husband and I now use is to make sure we put “snuggle nights” in between “intercourse nights.” Snuggle nights are useful refresher courses for our nervous systems. Even a little bit of cuddling offers a taste of relaxed satisfaction with no goal whatsoever. When we next have intercourse it is easier to stay in the tranquil mindset ideal for Karezza.

As far as actual intercourse goes, we move far more slowly than we did during conventional sex. In addition, we fall into total stillness frequently while making love. Some of the most gratifying and profound experiences occur when not moving. As a result, our lovemaking goes in waves, somewhat like breathing. Erections also come and go—and arise again when we start kissing after a pause. (Visit Karezza Korner for comments by other couples about their experiences.)It worked best to begin intercourse in a position that did not allow for much movement. Even so, it was extremely easy to escalate into good old, familiar sex as we added intercourse to our nightly affection. One strategy my husband and I now use is to make sure we put “snuggle nights” in between “intercourse nights.” Snuggle nights are useful refresher courses for our nervous systems. Even a little bit of cuddling offers a taste of relaxed satisfaction with no goal whatsoever. When we next have intercourse it is easier to stay in the tranquil mindset ideal for Karezza.

We kiss and gaze into each other’s eyes a lot. We also let each other know how loved we feel with wordless sounds of pleasure and reverent, or playful, touch—depending upon our mood. Sometimes we make a conscious effort to diffuse the sexual energy from our genitals throughout our bodies by tightening the muscles of our pelvic floor and breathing the energy up. Sometimes when we close our eyes we notice flashing lights in the third-eye region of the forehead. Sometimes we use the technique of completely relaxing our pelvic muscles, as advised by Michael and Diana Richardson.

We make love in very comfortable positions, where our weight is supported with a minimum of tension. Side-lying position, with my legs wrapped around him, is a favorite. We also sometimes fall asleep connected, which makes waking up especially enjoyable. Because we never “finish,” we’ve noticed that a flirty energy continues to flow outside the bedroom.

With Karezza you ease your sexual tension without resorting to orgasm. Dr. Lloyd wrote that Karezza leads to complete dissipation of congestion, complete discharge of nervous surplus, complete relief from sexual tension, and more complete satisfaction than orgasm.

Using Karezza’s gentle intercourse, we discovered that we can make love for as long as we need to until any sexual tension melts away entirely—as long as we don’t fall back into hungry behavior, or begin fighting ourselves by going close to the edge of orgasm. During lovemaking, the emphasis is on stillness and heart-centered feelings. If the energy begins to build into goal-oriented sensations, we simply relax back into stillness.

The feelings during these quiet periods can be especially profound, as if we have entered a timeless cocoon of delighted contentment.

I experience what I think of as a “soul orgasm.” It isn’t connected to reproductive sex in any way. It can be produced even without sex, although sex is a great way to produce it. As we gently make love, I imagine us both in a glowing ball of light. I feel as if our spirits have merged. For hours after this kind of sex session, if I think of my wife, the feeling of deep love refills me, just as if I were back in bed having sex. —Todd

Flirting with “the edge” can increase frustration, even if no one climaxes. Frustration equates with high dopamine, and when dopamine goes too high it can lead to tension, resentment, and subsequent cravings. Going too close to orgasm can also build congestion in the genitals, which may cause sharp pains.

I just couldn’t believe how effortless Karezza was. This man described it perfectly:

For a long time I’d been doing Taoist-style sex with my wife with good results—using exercises, lovemaking techniques, and energy visualizations. However, I decided to set it aside temporarily to learn more about Karezza. The first thing I noticed was that Karezza got the same results as my old Taoist practices. But Karezza required no specialized energy work. All I did was to remain nearly still while engaged in sex and breathed slow, deep breaths. I did nothing else. Anyone could do Karezza.

I soon started to sense another feeling that I didn’t recognize—a deep, satisfying feeling. I guess it was the oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. It feels like peace and love all mixed up together—a sensation of being in love with life. —Larry

Karezza works because bonding behaviors work. In fact, Karezza is itself a delicious, intimate, soothing bonding behavior. There is nothing mysterious about this, even though its effectiveness in relieving sexual tension may strike you as remarkable after you master it.

There was a warm glow in the area between our navels and pubic hairline that just demanded that we lie there together motionless to feel the gentle warmth it was radiating. This went on for twenty to thirty “timeless” minutes. Then slowly we inched toward nuzzling in the genital area. Very slowly we got to having intercourse sideways and it was amazing—lots of wetness to make it easy, and lots of control so no frenzy by either. We were both amazed and so loving in the stillness. It is a truly incredible experience. R. is delighted and feels so pleased that he didn’t feel the need to come, which has been a big concern for him. It was such a powerful, loving experience. —Gina

Sometimes Karezza is just pleasant, gentle intercourse that leaves us refreshed and more balanced. Sometimes it’s an amazing, heart-opening experience for which we can hardly find words. The outcome is not in our control. All we can do is keep our biologically driven habits out of the way, and enjoy what bubbles up. Striving is counterproductive. We focus on comforting each other, not fanning sexual hunger.Karezza’s effects are subtle and cumulative

Karezza can be a bit like watching paint dry at first—albeit with the added joys of a companion and an increasing sense of well-being. It does not produce rapid, obvious results (as, for example, a new foreplay technique might). Instead its effects are cumulative. We needed several weeks of pleasant, but patient, consistency to see why we had made the effort to try it. During that time, we experienced a growing sense of empowerment, optimism, and connectedness with others. We felt as if we were “in the flow.” Yet these changes seemed so natural (and well-deserved), that it was easy to miss the link between cause and effect.

The Karezza way doesn't require climax by either man or woman, since it emphasizes intimacy, harmony, and unity. It also takes a lot of practice to make it work right, and the couple wishing to practice Karezza should be patient. It takes time to harmonize energy fields, emotions, rhythms, and responses between two persons. Expect to practice at least a dozen times before you begin to see increasingly delightful results. —Bernard Jensen, MD

Karezza is a return to equilibrium. The energy it produces is not “edgy,” but rather lighthearted. With or without clothes, it feels more like two dolphins frolicking. We tend to laugh a lot, to find just the right times to make love, and to enjoy hugging or touching each other at other times.

You need to try Karezza for at least three weeks to be in a position to compare the benefits with conventional sex. Otherwise you may not taste what life is like beyond the ups and downs of the post-orgasmic passion cycle.

We often learn the most about Karezza from our inadvertent departures from it. We never “go for” orgasm, but it happens occasionally. It’s the perfect reminder of why we stick with this practice. During the two weeks after an orgasm, we notice a temporary dimming of good feelings, and we are always delighted when, like clockwork, we come back into sync at the end of the cycle.

You may believe that you will feel more frustrated the longer you avoid orgasm. Yet if you experiment carefully with Karezza, using lots of relaxation and generous affection, you are likely to find that this is not true.

I have experienced great feelings of well-being after non-orgasmic sex over long periods of time. The contact with the person becomes the orgasm, the sexual contact becomes the orgasm, and then there is no need for orgasm. —Mike

In our experience, there was surprisingly little inner conflict while learning Karezza, as long we took a gradual approach and remembered to wallow luxuriantly in the soothing pleasures of touch and connection. As Karezza lovers we grow more balanced and therefore more sensitive to every pleasurable nuance. Certainly, we have done a lot more giggling and enjoyed a lot more harmony.

Above all, Karezza teaches us to put each other first. See Karezza FAQs or visit Karezza Recent Posts. You can also learn more about Karezza from these two free books by A. B. Stockham, MD and J. W. Lloyd, MD. Also see Bernard Jensen MD’s suggestions for Karezza lovemaking, and this interview with Stanley Bass about his book: Energy Karezza.

I found this article I think describes karezza well: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/karezza-method